The Sounds of Inspiration

Welcome back, poetry people!

Since I have been on a spree through sense appeal, why stop at scent and color? I decided to move on to sound and hearing. The body and mind-moving miracle of music immediately comes to mind, but there’s much more to sound than simply music.

And on a sadder note, this will be my last newsletter, at least for the foreseeable future. I have had a host of problems trying to get my newsletter going through Beehiiv. The biggest is that I have also seen steady negative growth since switching. I feel a little passive-aggressive saying that to you since the only people reading this are obviously still subscribed. The trouble is I would feel guilty if I just disappeared without giving you fine folks who have stuck with me here some explanation.

And I truly appreciate you and your careful consideration each week.

Let the Music Move Me

Of course, I have a lot to say about music and music therapy; I engage with it daily. I’m susceptible to sounds in general, so besides using earplugs, I like to use music to drown out much of the ambient sound that’s constantly going on in the background. The high-frequency whine of the electricity flowing through the house and all of the devices, the fans and washers that make noise around the house, are distracting and overstimulating.

Another common way to enjoy the beauty of sound is to go outside and listen to the sounds of nature as a natural soundtrack for a while. One of my favorite things about that experience is the transition: going from the soundscape of the car, maybe music, air conditioning, etc.… to a quiet park or trail. The adjustment period is almost silent. You lose track of the loud human-generated noise until you are acclimated to the rush of excitement going on a small scale in nature.

Unless conditions are perfect, I can’t spend too much time outside, but I find it a very relaxing way to indulge my listening capacity and slow down a bit. Immersing ourselves in whatever soundscape we have created or entered can genuinely transport us into that world.

Stereo

This is another of those first pieces I wrote even before December 2022, when poetry started erupting from me. It reflects my excitement and trepidation at the prospect of regaining my memories. When they first started coming, the memories started off mostly good or neutral. I was first presented with the realities of my sexual orientation/gender identity, which were complex and shocking enough revelations. It’s probably my brain conning me into moving forward with the process for real this time. It worked, so what can I say, except, turn it up!

Stereo

An entire life
spent in monotone
Compensating, unconsciously 
Until understanding
parted your lips
The vibrations of your voice
opened the channels
Now, every sound
blasts around me
in unfiltered stereo
Sucking out my breath
Suddenly, ignorant of who
I could truly unleash
my power into being
Who had always
been hiding in plain sight
Mirroring my actions perfectly
Always moving
in my shadow right behind 
Finally, your voice called
to my whole being
Forcing the other half
into the light
Leaving me
whole, trembling, and bewildered
Instead of hiding
I unleash
Bursting at the seams with
pent-up potential energy
Sound gripping my spine
Drawing circles in space 
Like a child
scribbling with a crayon
I frantically swirl 
With the abandon of
a rag doll toy

At a Loss for Words

When emotion sets in, many times, I become unable to verbalize my thoughts properly and needs other than crying and blubbering, but I am still able to write. I can text to talk with my partner, and as I calm down, I put my feelings down in poetic verse. That is why I started writing therapy, which has helped me greatly.

Sorting these thoughts while they are still fresh in my mind gives my emotional energy a positive place to go so I don’t end up venting on someone who shouldn’t have to bear my burdens.

This is a wall-of-text free-write. I wanted it to look like the intermingling sound and thoughts I feel as they pour out in poem form onto the page. It rises in energy, peaks in the middle, and descends to a close. It will be available on Tuesday when the recording is released and unlocked on Patreon. You can click the button below to navigate to my Patreon and see the available content.

At a Loss for Words

I am overwhelmed and the words dry up while only seas gush out and every time I open my mouth guttural wails fly forth like albatross around my neck as I frantically search for any flat surface like I usually would the toilet because a sickening melee of thoughts ideas and withering moments flowing freely at any second escaping with no cork that fits on my fingertips probing for the perfect canvas to unleash this awesome tapestry of color grief rage depth and sound when urgency overcomes the steady emptying flow like a siphon taking every last drop the choking feeling finally ends letting my chords reverberate normally not just screeching at the top of my lungs to alleviate this insanity the unbelief this could happen to me to anyone this inhumanity not a single one I would wish this upon not the ones who enacted it on me that’s how it perpetuates this evil in society the hatred growing deeper while the perpetrators get to roam free and clear pretending to be the injured fare limping along on a donated spare till they blow the other three and leave the whole dirty wagon in the middle of the thoroughfare burning the evidence of their existence humming the tune to you are my sunshine with out a care in the world as they disappear out of sight between the bus yard and old mill pond out of sight out of mind if I convince myself they were never truly there then goodbye cruel world I wasn’t either

Good Vibrations

Sound is more than just the noise we can hear. Vibrations create sound, a wave of pressure flowing through the air or other medium, acting upon it. An ultrasound uses sound waves to create images of a fetus or any masses growing inside a human body. LRAD devices are used by law enforcement to deter protesters with no visible attack while still internally causing pain and, in some cases, permanent damage.

Or take a sonic boom that follows when we defeat the sound barrier. It sends a visible shockwave capable of toppling structures and shattering glass. Not every sonic boom comes with an explosion; some come with the snapping of the fingers or the cracking of the whip. The power of sound may be largely invisible, but even the faintest whisper sends out vibrations that act upon the world.

Good Vibrations

Opening up
a deep, rumbling groan 
issuing forth 
from the deepest recesses of my heart 
Sucking up 
every cloud of breath around
Letting out a piercing cry
Clinging on 
to the wailing chords 
inside my mind
Tone evening out 
into a haunting aria line 
Words 
just sounds
in the shape of ideas 
Crafted in sumptuous shades 
crimson and sage 
Pain shining out 
like light in waves 
Co-mingling 
with my resonant projections 
at speed 
Sounding out 
my siren song 
Compelled by pulsing vibrations 
Pick on strings 
like electricity
Shocking me 
Sending waves of sensation 
washing over 
my disengaged physique 
Starting in the dirt 
I dig deep
shuffling and stepping up 
Building up momentum
grounding my core
Propelling my essence
into the ether
with only air 
and the speed of sound 
to carry me

Sounds of Nostalgia

Music can inspire in more ways than one. I created the following piece for iPod Day. I got the idea from other poetry I had read that included song lyrics. I decided that for this particular occasion, using the song titles as they appear on the little screen when scrolling made more sense. So this piece was originally published on October 23, 2023, in Arts O’ Magazine on Medium.

Song lyrics are charged with meaning and emotion, but so are song titles. The fact that so many are short phrases or single words made this very much like writing the usual randomized poem, just with many more words to fit in. I pulled up my iTunes list and poured over it for a while. Then, I noted some of the titles I planned to use and started writing.

As I edited, adding phrases to fill in the depth, I looked around the list to find more that fit the bare spaces. This is an enjoyable exercise to try if you have a favorite Spotify playlist, or you could go a different direction with this. I know this letter has been about sound and music, but every piece of art isn’t about that. If you wanted to try book titles, brand names in your closet or pantry, or even Pyrex patterns in your china cabinet the possibilities are endless if you want to get creative with it.

Sounds of Nostalgia

as this Broken Vow 
rings out Across The Universe
my Dream turns to 
Ashes And Wine in the 
blink of an Imaginary eye
Mercy frozen in time
Do You Feel the ravages of
my heart’s Lament?
do you fear The Great Divide?
the tide may rise, yet the 
Lighthouse shall draw you 
safely in on your Rainbow High
washing away every Stepping Stone
previously arranged 
the only path a Sweet Sacrifice
to Lose Control is to waste
Precious Time 
yet, I Will Not Bow
I will not Fade Away
I am living on boiling Quicksand
Finally, My Savior spirits me away
but only to the Otherside
of this sand-sucking sea
I will have to keep saving me

This poem was written using song titles from my personal Ipod. I have provided a song list for credit (in order of Song: Artist, Album) and an explanation here. 
Broken Vow: Josh Groban, Closer
Across The Universe: Jim Sturgess, Across The Universe OST (The Beatles)
Dream: Michael Buble, Call Me Irresponsible
Ashes and Wine: A Fine Frenzy, One Cell in The Sea
Imaginary: Evanescence, Fallen
Mercy: Duffy, Rockferry
Do you feel: La Roux, Supervision
Lament: Antonio Banderas and Madona, Evita OST
The Great Divide: Emmy Rossum, Inside Out
Lighthouse: The Hush Sound, Like Vines
Rainbow High: Madonna, Evita OST
Stepping Stone: Duffy, Rockferry
Sweet Sacrifice: Evanescence, The Open Door
Lose Control: Evanescence, The Open Door
Precious Time: Pat Benatar, Greatest Hits
I Will Not Bow: Breaking Benjamin, Dear Agony
Fade Away: Breaking Benjamin, Dear Agony
Quicksand: La Roux, Gold Edition
Finally My Savior: La Roux, Gold Edition
Otherside: La Roux, Supervision

Silence is Deadly

Sometimes, I sit there minding my business, reading or doing some dishes, only to realize I am starting to panic. I am running down a list of terrible what-ifs, and behind those are actual terrible past events playing out in increasingly horrific detail until I start getting dizzy, and it hits me—it’s silent. What happened to the music?

I don’t do well with silence, even less so in the last couple of years. I also don’t do well with excessive background noise. It’s a catch-22 I could never explain; my mother always had white noise like a fan going, making me batty; I could constantly hear the fan. I could hear the electricity running through it; I could hear the rotors if it were a ceiling fan, and I could hear little bits of crap knocking around the unit if it was an air purifier.

This is why I lean so heavily on music. Having something to distract me from the thousand nagging noises and the thousand horrible memories unless I decide to give them time is an essential tool.

Silence is Deadly

I sit 
enwrapped 
in my task
drowsily like 
a living shadow
meandering 
over my 
enraptured 
body entering 
my very pores
upon reaching 
the level 
of my face
I start to see
the blackened place
evils start to 
fight for 
space inside 
my mind
taking up
the power 
vacuum
the silence 
leaves behind
the inky black 
cloud 
of unsound 
starts to rip
it grabs my
leg
swipes for
a quick trip
as I stumble
taking an 
unavoidable 
tumble 
I finally break
the Stygian spell
falling through 
the fissure
as the darkness
Starts 
to dissipate 
landing 
with a thud 
scraping nails
and a whimper
skin on pavement
enough to kindle 
the spark of
lucidity

I will still keep uploading audio files to Patreon. I am unsure what my “next move” should be except to keep writing and honing my craft. You are welcome to visit me on Medium and Instagram. If I decide to renew this Newsletter, you will be at the top of my mailing list. ❤️ 

K.B. Silver